God's Time, Not Our Time

Today, we are saying goodbye to our dear friend, Olin, who layed down his earthly body this morning. Coley and I have just found out and Coley has gone to try to help his daughter with anything she might need.

Only a moment ago, Olin's best friend came upstairs to see if we knew. As he left, I asked how he was doing with all of it, and he started to cry. I asked if I could hold him and he walked into my arms. We both cried together. "There is no reason for the timing of it all", I said to him. Then he told me that Olin's daughter "felt" as if she needed to be here. She got here two days ago.

How incredible, how mystifying, how synchronistic is it when everything fits so neatly together, right place, right time, right where one needs to be, just the right moments before one passes......... Last night Olin and his daughter spent several hours dancing, drinking, laughing, having a great time. Coley was there until 1:30 a.m. sharing in the fun.

Olin loved this place he called home, Costa Rica. He wouldn't have had it any other way. We, who are the ones left behind, grieve through our letting go, but Olin has surrendered the heaviness, the pain, the sorrow and the sadness to wrap himself in the arms of Love. Tonight I raise a toast to you, dear one, be at peace!!!!!

What the heck was I thinking?!

One would think that being in a virtual paradise, would naturally lead one to find a sense of deep peace and relaxation, not to mention a sense of pleasure and joy at being able to spend inordinate amounts of time soaking up the sun.

I, however, have way too much time on my hands. Don't get me wrong, I am truly in paradise, but my idea of paradise for the past several years (24 to be exact) was my beautiful apartment filled with all my "things", where I could go and shut out the rest of the world, if needed. Or, as was often the case, I could drive to the local theatre and lose myself in one of the most recent releases, now many of which are offered in 3d.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really not complaining. I mean, after all, what do I have to complain about. The temperature here is about 85 to 90 degrees right now with very little humidity. The sky is a beautiful clear blue, with a smattering of white clouds. I have access to the Pacific ocean, less than a 10 minute walk to a beautiful sandy beach, or, if not the beach, then walk downstairs to the pool just below our condo, surrounded with gorgeous flowering plants and shrubs. So, what's there to complain about.

I read a book right before I got here, given to me as a retirement gift by my friend, Douglas, called 12 x12, A One-Room Cabin Off the Grid and Beyond the American Dream, by William Powers. It was a fascinating true story of William Powers journey of self discovery when he moved into a 12 x 12 structure in North Carolina, totally off the grid, but self-sustaining. Every day he woke to the same room, the sameness of each day which came down to personal survival, eating, sleeping, some physical activity and filling in the hours of each day without television, radio, or any of the modern conveniences. At the beginning, he found it very difficult to immerse himself in his "home", and questioned his sanity about choosing such a primitive way of living.

My friend, Melanie, who also read the book, says I'm living my 12 x 12 experience and I must say there is some truth to that. I wonder at how things would feel to me here if I had access to a car and to being more mobile. Every day is the same and yet different. Every day begins with a cup of coffee outdoors and ends with a reading session in bed. The hours in between vary little as well. One of my greatest blessings is rediscovering my relationship with my twin. One of my challenges is honoring my Truth, following my Path and continually moving back into the energy of Love. With all this time on my hands, it is a moment by moment exercise.

My spiritual community, my book study group and my friends in Memphis and Mentone have given me several "shots in the arm", boosting me back to a different perception of my life and the work I continue to do to bring every area of my life back into balance.

So, to each of you who hold me in your hearts with great love, I say thank you!!! You know who you are and you know I send love back to each of you in this very moment!!!!!

Dancing Queen

Today, after going to our water aerobics class, Coley, Freckles and I drove into town to shop at a fund-raising event for the local animal rescue agency. They had received a donation of clothes, some with "Gap" labels, and other well known designer labels, to sell, all of the proceeds went to the agency.

The picture to the left shows a woman under an umbrella, holding a sign advertising the sale. This is just one little portion of the main road in Playas del Coco and when traffic is moving, it can get kind of crazy. Two lanes of cars with people walking and riding bicycles, scooters, golf carts, and motorcycles. You have to be really conscious when you're walking on this street. Coley, Freckles and I have decided to take on an 11-year old girl for Christmas, who lives in the complex Coley and I live in. In a couple of previous posts, I've included a picture of her. Her name is Lily Rain and she lives with her grandfather. We found several articles of clothing at the sale today. I've also decided to buy a bicycle for her, since she doesn't have one and she borrows Coley's all the time. Being able to do this really puts me in the holiday spirit and I know it does Coley as well.

Speaking of Coley, here she is in her new freedom dress. I bought this for her the night she found out she was divorced. If you look closely on her right shoulder, you can see her freedom braid hanging down. She looks so good in this dress and it will look really good on our cruise. Tonight, she and I both went to Zi's to listen to a band. The group is called Banana Kings and it's three guys, around their mid to late 50's playing some really great tunes, Sweet Home Alabama, Born on the Bayou, and the one I actually got up and danced to was the famous Johnny Rivers song, Long Distance Information Give Me Memphis, Tennessee. I mean, how could any self-respecting girl from Tennessee not get up and dance to that song. Thought about all my buddies in Memphis, really miss each and every one of them, Shelia, Melanie, Anne, Ayn, Sherry, Elva, Tish, oh Dios mio, I could go on and on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just about the time I was read to come home, a young tico man came and sat with us. His name is Miguel, he's from Nicaragua, but has lived in Costa Rica for three years. He's been trying for a year to get his work permit, so he can stay in the country for a year without having to leave every 30 days. For those of us from the States and Canada, etc., we get to stay for 90 day and then we also have to leave for 3 days, hence our cruise the middle of January.

Miguel speaks really good english and we were both enjoying talking to him. He said he likes dancing, so I immediately told him that any time he's back in Zi's bar and he sees my twin, to get her to dance, she loves it. So when I left the bar, guess who was up and dancing? HMMMMMMM!!!!! I wonder ----not!!!

Love to all!!! Buenos noches, dulce sueltas (good night, sweet dreams)!!

FREEDOM!!!!!

Here's Coley on her way to celebrate her day of becoming a "free" woman once again. Yesterday she got word her divorce had become final. So the two of us went in to town to have a drink at Zi's and to order chicken wings for supper, Coley's favorite.

Once we got into town, I saw Kevin who does the yarn braiding. He and I had talked about me getting one, and since we were celebrating, we both got one to represent freedom in our lives, her from her husband, me from my job. Tomorrow I'll take a picture to share with you guys.

After we got the braid, I took Coley down to her favorite dress shop, just before you get to the beach and bought her a little sun dress, more of an evening dress, but in black, similar to what she's wearing in this picture, except it has little sequined designs. It's going to look really good on our cruise in January when we celebrate our 60th birthday.

We both had a really good time and even though I got home much later than usual, I was really happy to be here with her. I remember when I divorced my husband, I cried the entire afternoon after going to Court and asking a Judge to grant me one. I felt like such a failure, even though I was the one who wanted it.

I hope Coley and Mike will be able to resume a friendship at some point. He's been in our family for 33 years, and I will miss seeing him periodically. He's a good guy, they simply took it as far as they could.

Being free is something each person has to learn how to live in. It has it's own moments of great joy, but also deep despair. Learning to be alone and yet not be lonely, is only one facet of this rough diamond. Many other opportunities for growth as well. Coley is strong, independent, self-sufficient. She will find her way through this and she and I will have many opportunities to discover our own rhythms together.

One of my lessons

Yesterday was a day like every other day, we got up, had coffee on the porch, played a game of Farkle and then worked our way through the day. It wasn't sunny enough to get out in the pool or the ocean. Coley heard there was going to be a band at Lavida Loca, a bar at the beach. The owner was celebrating his birthday.

By mid-afternoon, Coley asked me if I was planning on going to the bar with her and I replied that I was still straddling the fence. I kept trying to work up the enthusiasm to go in and listen to music, drink and be there for my sister so she wouldn't have to go by herself. When it finally came to the point where I had to make a decision, I started to cry and told Coley I'm simply not a bar person. She hugged me, kissed me on my neck and said "please don't cry, it's OK, I still love you and you don't have to go if you don't want to. Besides, if you weren't here, I'd have to go by myself anyway". I said "I'm just not a bar person, it doesn't appeal to me at all".

Later, after she got all dolled up and left for her evening out, I thought about what I was feeling. I thought about my experience over the past month, and I've come to the conclusion that being around a bunch of men who only want to drink, get drunk, talk about their sex lives, and then end up taking one of the local street women back home with them, is not my idea of having a great time. Not once in the three or four times we've been to the bar has one of these "gentlemen" offered to buy us a drink, or sat and had a conversation about something other than sex or some innuendo related to sex.

I know my twin really loves to dance, and she can find any number of people who are more than willing to dance with her, but unless I'm out with a group of people and everyone is dancing, I'm probably not going to be up there with her.

As we get into being together for longer periods of time, we are discovering just how different we are, but also how much more we love each other. I knew when I came this would be an opportunity for me to be true to myself, I just didn't realize how much I want to make her life everything she wants. In denying myself, I deny her the opportunity to grow as well, so yesterday's angst enabled both of us to step into our own power, and to honor where we are both at. She's a fireball, full of energy and drive. I'm driven in a totally different way, more inner than outer. Together we are whole, separately we are discovering how to be whole, yet each individually.

I'm so thankful for this opportunity to re-discover this woman who has always been half of my heart!!!!!

PICTURES FROM THANKSGIVING

Mom, I told you Coley would find a turkey wing, and here's the proof!

We had a really wonderful Thanksgiving dinner in the home of Anna. Anna lives at the golf course area, very near the 4th green which is shaped like a heart. There were about 60 people at the dinner. All the traditional foods were there, but for my southern tastes,there was not a single cornbread dressing.


The picture below is our friend, Lily Rain.
She's almost 12 years old and lives just below
us. It was a last minute decision to take her with us, but she had a marvelous time and ate her way through the dessert table. This after eating a plate of turkey and mashed potatoes. Look how cute she looks in her beautiful dress. She asked me to braid her hair, which I did.




To the left is Mike, his girlfriend, Freckles, Vicky, and Coley. The home of Ana, was high up on a hill, so we had a beautiful view of Playa de Coco. You can kind of see the hills off in the distance. Nothing was green hills and trees to look at. It's amazing me to me that Ana lives so far out from anyone, and lives in this huge home by herself.

Hey, Jeff, really enjoyed talking to you yesterday and I told you I'd send you a message. Look carefully at some of the pictures I've posted. I understand when you get here that all the hills will be brown instead of green. I think you'll love being at the ocean and having every moment to kick back. So hurry up and get down here. As for all the rest of you, I say again, when are you coming?!!!

HAPPY DAY OF THANKS!!!

Here we are, the day before Thankgiving, enjoying another day in sunny Costa Rica. This morning we returned to Pacifico to participate in the water aerobics class. As you can see by the pictures, it's not a very pretty pool and we have to force ourselves to get in. Yeah, and if you believe that.....!!! The instructor, however, is superb!!! This picture on the right shows a white masted ship between the palms with the sails down. That's the Pacific ocean in the background and today it is really quite blue.

As we come into our Thanksgiving holiday, Coley and I have expressed how amazing it is that we are both living in Costa Rica, her permanently and me sporadically. Growing up in Albuquerque, moving away to create our lives and somehow opportunity collided with luck, and well, here we are.

Tomorrow as we gather with other ex-patriots and vacationers, Coley and I will be thinking of each of you, holding you in our hearts and sending love north, south, east and west. May we each find the contentment and peace we seek with our families of origin and our families of choice. And, for us, if we eat too much tomorrow, Susanna has assured us she will work off our turkey in the pool on Friday!!!!!

May the Force be with you all!!!!!