One of my lessons

Yesterday was a day like every other day, we got up, had coffee on the porch, played a game of Farkle and then worked our way through the day. It wasn't sunny enough to get out in the pool or the ocean. Coley heard there was going to be a band at Lavida Loca, a bar at the beach. The owner was celebrating his birthday.

By mid-afternoon, Coley asked me if I was planning on going to the bar with her and I replied that I was still straddling the fence. I kept trying to work up the enthusiasm to go in and listen to music, drink and be there for my sister so she wouldn't have to go by herself. When it finally came to the point where I had to make a decision, I started to cry and told Coley I'm simply not a bar person. She hugged me, kissed me on my neck and said "please don't cry, it's OK, I still love you and you don't have to go if you don't want to. Besides, if you weren't here, I'd have to go by myself anyway". I said "I'm just not a bar person, it doesn't appeal to me at all".

Later, after she got all dolled up and left for her evening out, I thought about what I was feeling. I thought about my experience over the past month, and I've come to the conclusion that being around a bunch of men who only want to drink, get drunk, talk about their sex lives, and then end up taking one of the local street women back home with them, is not my idea of having a great time. Not once in the three or four times we've been to the bar has one of these "gentlemen" offered to buy us a drink, or sat and had a conversation about something other than sex or some innuendo related to sex.

I know my twin really loves to dance, and she can find any number of people who are more than willing to dance with her, but unless I'm out with a group of people and everyone is dancing, I'm probably not going to be up there with her.

As we get into being together for longer periods of time, we are discovering just how different we are, but also how much more we love each other. I knew when I came this would be an opportunity for me to be true to myself, I just didn't realize how much I want to make her life everything she wants. In denying myself, I deny her the opportunity to grow as well, so yesterday's angst enabled both of us to step into our own power, and to honor where we are both at. She's a fireball, full of energy and drive. I'm driven in a totally different way, more inner than outer. Together we are whole, separately we are discovering how to be whole, yet each individually.

I'm so thankful for this opportunity to re-discover this woman who has always been half of my heart!!!!!